Before I get started, I want to let you know that you CAN do it…not through your own strength, but through the extra grace and strength that God will endow you as you walk in faith!
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11
As a single mother of three sons who have educational and physical disabilities, I can say that God has NEVER let us down, and for every step of faith we have taken, He has been right there to fill us with the extra where-with-all that was needed to keep going.
Homeschooling through the Years
In the early years, we were working hard at getting proper diagnosis for each child and looking for accommodations and therapies. The Lord was exceedingly gracious and led us step by step to the things we needed.
Our middle school years were primarily made up of working really hard at more therapies, using newly developed skills in more and more independent school work, building up hand-strength, reading, writing, typing lessons, and computer skills.
We also focused a lot on life skills. The boys learned financial skills: opening a bank account, reconciling a bank statement, saving, tithing, and creating a personal spending budget. They also learned how to handle the phone and phone book, cooking, gardening and yard care, basic car maintenance, conversations, getting-along, laundry, etc.
We also established a lifestyle of helpfulness by devoting consistent time helping old people in our neighborhood with yard work, teaching them computer skills, doing little household tasks, or taking them a meal.
We marvel at how far the Lord has carried each of us! Psalm 40:5, “Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.”
I have also learned some really valuable lessons:
- Do NOT try to emulate any particular system, family, style, or homeschool program! Allow God to be your Husband and direct you on what YOUR home and homeschool should look like. Trust me, it will not be like anyone else’s. The more you compare with other people, the more discouraged you will become. Drink deep in the freedom of the Lord, and allow yourself to live guilt-free inside His direction.
- Do find at least one safe person with whom you can be accountable and to whom you can vent and share burdens. This person should be a strong sister in Christ (or brother in Christ for single dads), able to be open and non-judgmental, and will allow you to make your own decisions while supporting you. Sometimes this sister might have to tell you a hard truth, but she will have earned the right to say it.
- Do find a couple of strong families that are passionate about helping in a practical way. These people will also know trustworthy plumbers, carpenters, electricians, car mechanics, etc. Figure out who your support network is, even if it seems small right now. Write down who these people are so you can call them if you have an urgent need and cannot think straight.
- If you suspect that one of your children is not progressing at a fairly normative rate developmentally or educationally, do NOT ignore that. Early intervention is critical to future success. Do not be scared to advocate for your child early and often, until you find solutions. There IS help out there. Sometimes finding it is a bit like a long treasure hunt, but well worth the effort. Do not let family members or friends talk you out of dealing with a real problem.
- Take care of yourself. This seems so cliché, and most moms in general and certainly single moms could make a case for the impossibility of the whole idea. However, there are small but important things that can make or break a stressful situation.
- Go to bed at a regular time each night, whether all the work is done or not. The work will never really be done, so don’t make that your goal. Make getting regular sleep the goal. Everything else will work itself out. It always does. In fact, part of its working out has something to do with facing the next day refreshed and able to work faster and with a clear head. An exhausted mom will always be behind the eight ball.
- Eat small but nourishing meals. Five a day works really well. This takes less time than making 3 big meals, keeps blood sugars (and tempers) level, keeps feeding your brain throughout the day so you can think clearly, and gives you five connection times with your kids. My kids know that five times a day they have my full attention. That allows them to work independently a majority of the rest of the day, freeing me up to run my business. Our meals consist of fresh, raw, nutritious foods that take little time to prepare.
- Teach your kids how to do chores. Work with them until they know how to do tasks and to what standard. Little by little delegate tasks to each family member. Kids can work harder than most people in our current culture give them credit for.
- Teach each family member how to be tidy. Allowing each person to be responsible to clean up any messes they make, and to have a NO pile policy, teaches everyday tidiness and reduces the need for huge organizational or cleaning sessions.
- Make time at least once a month to do something you enjoy. Take time during the week to read books you enjoy. Show your kids that you respect yourself enough to feed your own mind and emotions. They will respect you more, if you do.
Be bold, and gird up your loins, single moms and dads, with the power of the Holy Spirit within you. Each day He will make your strength new and wipe away your tears.
Do you have any other suggestions or questions? Leave a note in the comments. We’d love to hear from you!
About the Author
Wonderful article, Holly!!!! This is so good and so important – all the things I want to tell other moms who ask me about it – in one link!!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, and to the magazine for printing it. VERY NEEDED! Big praise for all of your struggles and successes, Holly! God had a plan to use you to teach others.
Thanks for stopping by, Annie! Glad you liked Holly’s post. I agree, so much encouragement packed into this post.
Thank you, Annie! He sure does have a plan…that is what has kept me going through many a dark night, to know that our pain and struggles would some day be used to help others along the path, and to honor Him who is our Salvation!! All praise to Him.
Great blog Jenny, I look forward to reading!
Holly, a great message for all of us homeschoolers! These are great reminders and definitely needs to be read by all that are starting the awesome homeschooling journey!
Jenny, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the opportunity to post on this excellent publication. As Erika said, I also look forward to reading and learning. Thanks Erika, for the comment!!
Thanks, Erika! I think you’ll find lots of information and inspiration.
This is a great post! I’m not single, but I’m homeschooling a special needs child, and I think these tips are as applicable to me—and to any homeschooling family, for that matter—as to the “audience” in the title!
Thank you!
Jennifer, I am so glad that you found this helpful! I find that household needs are all the same. I would give these suggestions to anyone raising one child, 8 children, healthy, or sick, married or single. A simple balanced way of life is good for everyone!
I agree, Jennifer. I think anyone can benefit from this post!
Great post!! It’s goodto be reminded that it CAN be done. I am not a single parent, but like many families with a special needs child, sometimes, one parent feels like they are going it all alone. (Great reminder that God is always with us.) I am confused about the financial piece of continuing to homeschool…what advice do you have in regards to this?
Thanks in advance!
Hi, Laurie! Yes, He is able to do the most inside our weaknesses! It is very difficult for any parent who feels that it was their idea, and that the other parent is only (sometimes, barely) supporting it. This can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, especially for woman, who were not designed to carry such a load. This is where we have to listen to our own situation, and do enough self-care that we don’t burn out. Our home school has NEVER looked like anyone else’s. But it has worked fine, and my boys are all well-liked, very sought after for employment, and any corners we cut to make it work for our situation, have not come at their expense.
In my case, God lead me to be self-employed. As my husband, He carefully lead me into fields in which I had passion, skills, and met a need in the community. I have never been without work, although there have been some very lean times, in which we have learned more about God, than ever before. I have had a custom baking business, custom sewing, house cleaning, and for the last 16 years, a web development firm. This last business has been my favorite, and employs all the passions and skills that God has blessed me with. It has turned out to be the salvation of my son’s future career. He is very artistic, but needs some accommodations in which to work. God knew before he was born, to start even then, developing a heritage business that I could pass on to the next generation, that would work with his passions and skills, and minimize his disabilities.
God has the right work for every bread-winner, I believe, that employs their heart in their work, and also will feed the family. Cottage industries can supplement that income if needed, and bring all kinds of opportunities for real-life education of children with or without special needs. I will be praying that God will enlighten your family, in the way that He can bless you most, my friend!
Holly! What an awesome piece of writing! I never heard the term, “God as my husband” and will do a lot of thinking and a devotional on it tonight. Thank you for reminding us all that we are unique yet run with the same goals on our race course. I needed this inspiration today!
Danielle, Thank you for taking time to leave a comment and encourage Holly as well! I hope you return, and I’m glad her writing blessed you. It did me!
Danielle, yes, He is indeed my Husband. He is the Head of our home, the CEO of my company, the Father of my children. I think that many women, single or married, who feel that they are carrying too much of a load, can turn to their Heavenly Husband for comfort, support, kindness, and inspiration. Thank you for your feedback today, that means so much!!
Thank you for reminding me I am not alone in dealing with being a single mom of a special needs child. I need all the guidance I can get in navigating the educational pitfalls of being left behind. As well as taking time to be a better me to be a better mom. Thank you.
Trin, thank you for taking time to comment. It encourages me to keep looking for articles to help moms just like you and me!
Hi, Trin! You are NOT alone. I am so glad to hear from you, as the aspect of isolation that can come with being a single parent of a special needs child, can be one of our worst enemies! God wants you to know that He is Your Husband, and cares for you perfectly. He will never leave you, or your child. He is constant, unvarying, and completely dependable. “The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.” 1 Timothy 5:5.
Excellent article, Holly! I’ll post a link on my blog so that more single moms can benefit from your wisdom.
Thank you, MJ, really appreciate that a lot. It helps to get the word out, and for single moms to know that they are not alone.
Hi, Mary Jo. Thanks for sharing Holly’s post. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Loved your article Holly..
Thanks Janice! So glad you came by. Praying for you, my friend.
Glad you liked it, Janice. Isn’t it a great encouragement for all?
Amen and praise the Lord for His blessings. As a single mother I declared God to be my husband and He has never let me down.
How wonderful that we can come together and praise His Name in unison. Thank you, S, for letting us know. He is indeed dependable and true. So happy when the stories of His faithfulness come out and are shared! Will be praying for you, my sister.
Thank you for sharing, S. I know you will encourage others that stop by.
Holly, what a blessing you are to me. Although I don’t fit the “triple threat category”, I found your article practical, refreshing and encouraging. It’s wonderful and so good of our infinitely loving Father to take your hardships and use them for good, giving you the ability to encourage others who are further back on the path or who just need a good word. Nothing we suffer in this life is in vain. Thank you for making it a priority to share in hopes of building up others.
Jill, Thank you for taking time to leave a note. Your comment was a great reminder to me. Glad Holly’s post encouraged you!
Oh, Jill, so good to hear from you! We are all on the same path of juggling too many responsibilities with too little time, and seemingly too little resources. But God continually lets us know how to change our expectations, to take better care of ourselves, so that we have to give in all the areas that we need to. Thank you for taking time to chat. Your words are always a comfort! “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones,”
Having been a single mom while homeschooling and working from home full time, and now being a military wife and being a “part time single” during deployments and training cycles, this speaks deeply to me. This is excellent advice for my sister and brother military spouses, especially those who those in the Exceptional Family Member Program. I’m sure that even without homeschooling in the mix, they’ll benefit from this. Planning on sharing it in my “Five on Friday” post.
I’m also loving the phrase of G-d as Husband – how I wish wish wish someone had used that term to me when my first husband left. I’m sure a lot of things would have been very different for me during the tough times – rather than leaning on myself and my then best friend, it would have renewed my faith and focus.
Wonderful post, Holly – and great work, Jenny, with what you’ve done on the blog. Love it!
Thanks for your input, Melonie. I know there are a lot of married women out there who feel like single women. I hope they gain strength from this, too. Thank you for your family’s sacrifice on our country’s behalf!
Melonie, how refreshing to hear your point of view! I was just telling a friend that I feel called in some way to work with Military Families and returning Vets. God has built into my life a message through some hard-knocks, as I am sure He has you! We all need to share those stories with others, as they can be the Balm of Gilead to the soul. Please feel free to stay in touch with me. I am really interested in hearing more about the needs of military families, in regards to the areas that I can speak to.
In the mean time, I am praying for you, my new friend, and for our military in new and different ways. We can never quite know the ongoing impact that the sacrifices our military families make for us, have on their lives. It is astounding, and truly sobering! I thank you, from the bottom of my heart!
I LOVE this and I’m so happy to see single parenting being represented. I’m a single mom of 2 (one with SPD) and sometimes I feel like the lone ranger.
I am glad that you feel included here, LaToya. My son is on the autism spectrum, and though I’m not single, I know what it’s like to be lonely. I hope you have a home on the web here, especially on Saturdays when we share special needs posts. I just scheduled an SPD post for February, so I hope you come back and add your advice!
Glad you found us.
Hi, LaToya, I know how you feel. It can be isolating and lonely. We are hear to let you know that you are NOT alone, at all. We hope to build a safe community where all of us can come together and be encouraged. So glad you are hear. Feel free to stay in touch with me. I write about single parenting on my blog as well.
I stopped by a few days ago & read the post, but my attention was needed elsewhere & didn’t have time to comment. Glad it worked out that way now as I’ve been able to glean from all the comments. Holly, great post. Also in the “Triple Threat” category. Best part of the post for me was the “Take Care of Yourself” section…confirmation indeed! Use to take a few minutes to put my feet up in the afternoon prior to dinner, but that time had disappeared in my schedule. I have officially plugged that time back into my schedule after reading this post! lol
Blessings!
Oh, good, Wendy! Great news. There are some things that I have added back into my self-care schedule recently, as well. Such an important part of staying the course, and completing the race. Many blessings on your journey!!
Nice read!! Thanks for posting. I have been homeschooling for 13 years now, the last 3 1/2 years as a single mom after my husband died unexpectently. I have 5 children, most of them struggling with dyslexia and one with ADHD on top of that. Our home school has gone through a complete overhaul since my husband’s death and now looks VERY different from many of my friends’. I know of no other single parent home schoolers personally. It was very encouraging to read this article and be reminded I have not completely lost mind for trying to go it alone.
I have two suggestions to add, if I may. Merely because they have helped me but I need to remind myself often… make time each day, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes, to be alone with the Lord. Just a short time to focus your day. And, because I get so caught up in the to-do lists, I have to remind myself, to find time each week to do something with my kids that makes us laugh together!! Life passes all too quickly, make time to enjoy it!
Kristina, your points are great additions, and perhaps should have topped the list. And, you are NOT alone. While there are few of us, we are out here, following the calling of the Lord. Bless you for being there for your kids through the loss of your husband, and through their school years, which are more challenging with their special needs. I would love to invite you to join a Christian Special Needs FB group that I belong too. There are a few single moms on the roster, and a lot of other moms that are very supportive and prayerful. You can contact me through my blog (see BIO at end of article.)